The Maxi Dress

Someone's old wardrobe. Your new problem. The maxi dress is a fitted tee bodice up top, then everything goes sideways. The waist seam drops into a V and the skirt spirals out in panels that don't agree with each other handkerchief points falling at different heights, one side grazing your ankle, the other doing whatever it wants. Cut from salvaged jersey, so no two exist. Yours is the only one.